What is the correct way to feel about waking up one day inside a surreal dystopian science fiction film? There’s no right answer, of course. But if you’re anything like me, it’s probably a mix of panic, fear, anxiety, grief, sadness, shock, confusion, but also curiosity, excitement, fascination, hope, awe, and much much more. You feel what you feel. The problem isn’t that we find many of those feelings unpleasant or downright unbearable, it’s that we try to avoid feeling them altogether.
I’ve seen this message over and over again since COVID-19 began, “Don’t panic!” But it’s important to remember that there is a difference between feeling panic and panicking. I think this is where many of us go wrong when it comes to managing difficult emotions. It’s not about not feeling them. Quite the opposite, in fact. I think the best way to deal with unpleasant emotions is to feel them completely!
I like to think of feelings as a kind of primitive but powerful form of communication. Emotion is our first language. It’s a way for our body to give us important messages about what we are experiencing. When we ignore, numb, or deny our emotions, we force our body to work harder to get the message across, so we actually end up prolonging the feeling or freezing it into trauma.
I find that one of the most useful reactions to any emotion is simply saying, “Of course”! As in, “Of course I’m feeling panic right now, that’s a totally normal reaction to this situation”. And even if it doesn’t seem “normal”, there’s always an important reason why we’re feeling what we’re feeling. So “of course” is like the gateway drug to acceptance and self-compassion. It helps me welcome and embrace a difficult emotion, rather than run from it or reject it. And when we allow ourselves to really feel an emotion, it passes. Because that’s how the message is received!
So when dealing with the inevitable panic of an unprecedented global pandemic, it’s important to remember that ironically, the best way not to panic is to actually feel the panic so it can pass. Then we are actually in a better position to react.
