Getting Discomfortable with Circling

In Episode 98, I describe one of my favourite practices, Circling. Circling is an interpersonal relational modality that I’ve been playing with and training in for a number of years now, and it has been one of the most powerful tools I’ve found for improving my self-awareness and authenticity.

Circling is often described as a social form of mindfulness. Like meditation, Circling helps me to notice my emotions in the present moment, even aversive ones like shame. But unlike meditation, Circling invites me to then immediately share what those emotions are with others, which is a useful vulnerability, authenticity, and honesty practice. And Circling also invites others to reveal what impact my sharing has on them, which is often surprising and insightful, and part of what makes Circling a powerful tool for meeting my needs for connection. Circling is also related to another modality I really enjoy called Authentic Relating, which I did an episode about a few years ago.

So what is Circling exactly? In this episode, I attempt to answer that question to the best of my inexpert ability. There are several schools of Circling each with their own guidelines, so in this explanation, I’ve synthesized some of my favourite Circling principles to give you an overview of the practice. Keep in mind that these are just my understandings and preferences for Circling, so this description is in no way definitive or endorsed by any of the official Circling schools.

Here are some of the loose guidelines I like to include when Circling: 

• Welcoming everything
• Staying in the present moment
• Sharing impact
• Owning our experiences
  • Checking our assumptions
  • Noticing our reactions instead of just enacting them
• Staying at the level of sensation
• Staying curious
• Weaving shared reality
• Committing to connection

The main action of Circling involves a small group of people sharing what’s alive for them in the present moment of being together. While sitting in a group of people, I might notice an emotion or sensation arising in my body. Circling invites me to share whatever that sensation is using ownership language, which is taking full responsibility for whatever is happening in me. And as I share, there is likely to be a ripple of impact on each person listening, and in Circling, any or all of them are welcome to share whatever the impact is on them, also using ownership language. And so on, back and forth, in a kind of, well, circle. People are also encouraged to ask each other curious questions in order to fully understand what it’s like for each person to be in the circle.

For me, perhaps the most revolutionary part of Circling is that it’s very rare for me to have conversations that revolve around the present moment at all. In my culture, it’s much more likely that we’ll be talking about the past (“You won’t believe what happened to me yesterday…”) or talking in theory space (“The problem with Neoliberalism is…”). I quickly discovered that talking about what I’m feeling, in the moment that I’m feeling it, is quite vulnerable because I can’t actually control or predict which sensations will emerge from my body at any given time. Learning to notice, accept, feel, and express those feelings, without being controlled by them, has been a game changer.

If you want to try Circling there may be groups in your area or you can find Circles online. If you want to learn more about Circling, try it, or do a training, here are some organizations I’d recommend checking out: Circling Institute (founder Guy Sengstock is often credited as one of the main creators of Circling), Circling Europe (I’m currently taking and enjoying their SAS training), Circle Anywhere, The Connection Insitute (I took and enjoyed a number of their trainings, especially UnTriggered).