This episode is difficult to listen to and was even more difficult to record.
My touchpoint for racism is homophobia. One of the fascinating aspects of being gay, in my experience, is that I’m acutely aware of both my gay pride and my internalized homophobia. This seeming contradiction reveals to me that you can be one thing in your cognitive, conscious prefrontal cortex, and the exact opposite in your unconscious childhood conditioning.
I am now reverse engineering this experience to look at racism. And the implications are that while I am consciously anti-racist, on another level I am also deeply conditioned with racist prejudice, as this episode illuminates in stomach-churning detail. I am both the “good guy” and the “bad guy” at once. And so are you, I imagine.
Prejudice is a natural part of being human. Our brain loves to simplify and categorize, and it has a powerful out-group bias against people it deems “different”. These biases helped keep us alive as hunter-gatherers for generations, but now we live in a modern world where they are becoming increasingly maladaptive. These biases are pitting us against our neighbours based on superficial and cultural differences and the result, as we are witnessing on the news daily, is inequality, violence, murder, and the erosion of everyone’s well-being.
When it comes to dealing with my internalized homophobia, the most useful strategy has always been to just be as honest about it as I can. The more I talk about it, the more I understand it, and the less it seems to control me. The fact that I am gay makes it socially acceptable for me to be open about the disgusting contents of my internalized homophobia.
Racism is a different story though. Being racist is one of the biggest sources of shame in our society right now. As a result, it is extremely uncomfortable and arguably even “unacceptable” to talk about one’s racist conditioning publicly. This means that possibly the most effective solution to dealing with our conditioned racist beliefs, being honest about them, is blocked. And I know from experience, that when we disown, reject, hide, and shame parts of ourselves, they get even stronger and control us from our unconscious. To quote Brené Brown:
When we deny our stories, they define us.
When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending.
So I have an idea.
Based on the model of Alcoholics Anonymous, I am imagining groups designed specifically for people who identify with having conditioned racial prejudices. These groups, “Racism Anonymous”, would meet weekly in a nonjudgmental, anonymous environment in order to investigate the dark recesses of our conditioned biases in an effort to learn to manage and control them. I’ve put together a rough and preliminary template for how these meetings might be structured. Like AA, I see these as meetings anyone can run and attend. I encourage anyone who is interested to copy the template, adapt it, and try it in their own community. And if you do, let me know what worked for you!
Racism Anonymous (Race-Anon, RA) meeting template:
1. Hello and welcome, this is the regular meeting of the __________ group of Racism Anonymous. My name is __________ and I am racist [or “I am conditioned by racism” or “I have conditioned racism”, whatever feels right to each person].
2. We will open the meeting with the Serenity Prayer followed by a moment of silence to do with as you wish:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
3. RA is for people who:
- recognize that they have been conditioned into many forms of prejudice, including racism, and
- have a desire to overcome that conditioning.
The primary purpose of RA is to honestly acknowledge our conditioned biases, especially racial prejudices, in order to learn to consciously manage and control them, so they don’t control us.
In RA, the central strategy for managing our conditioned prejudice is to cultivate self-awareness, through honesty, non-judgement, and compassion.
In RA, the only thing more valuable than recognizing your own prejudices is talking about them. Since our prejudices come from a larger culture, talking about them helps everyone who was conditioned by that culture.
RA is founded on 3 core beliefs:
- Prejudice is BOTH a natural part of being human AND an impediment to the well-being of all.
- Prejudice is a chronic condition.
- In spite of our prejudices, all humans are actually of equal value.
4. Are there any newcomers who wish to introduce themselves?
5. This week’s theme is ___________ [general prejudice, racism, homophobia, sexism, etc].
It is now time for round-robin sharing. We will go around the group and share for 3-5 minutes each. You may pass at any time. Please share the specific conditioned prejudices that come up for you around this week’s theme, as well as how it feels to talk about them. We remind you that feedback and crosstalk are discouraged here (crosstalk is giving advice to others who have already shared, speaking directly to another person rather than to the group, and questioning or interrupting the person speaking at the time). This meeting is anonymous, we ask that all attendees and what they share be kept confidential. Who would like to begin?
[~45 minutes or more of round-robin sharing, someone keeps time for each share]
6. Responsibility statement:
I may not have consciously chosen to be conditioned by prejudice, but I am taking responsibility for it now.
END
UPDATE:
Since posting this episode, a few friends of the podcast have reached out to note that a couple of versions of Racism Anonymous already exist!
Social Worker Gail K. Golden came up with her own 12 steps for overcoming the addiction of white privilege in 2011.
Pastor Ron Buford at the Sunnyvale, California United Church of Christ started a group called Racists Anonymous in 2015 with his own, more religious leaning, 12 step program. You can watch a glimpse of a meeting in progress here. The group has been profiled in media several times, for more info see more here and here.
