This week I talk about an ongoing experiment I’ve been engaged in during the pandemic in an effort to enjoy myself in spite of being alone virtually all of the time.
I’ve noticed a pattern in my life of conflating people, accomplishments, or things with pleasant feelings. For example, I’ve been working on a book about shame all year, and when I finally sent the book off to the publisher recently, I expected to feel relief and a sense of accomplishment. But I didn’t. I felt nothing.
Likewise, I’ve been going on socially distant pandemic walking dates with various guys, and I often assume that hanging out with a guy I like will result in pleasant feelings of comfort, excitement, and joy. But it doesn’t always work out that way either.
I’ve started to realize that what I really want are just the pleasant feelings themselves. The feelings I assume I’ll get when I’m finally dating someone I “like”, or finally accomplish something I’m “proud” of, or finally acquire something I “want”. But it’s an indirect strategy, and one that often backfires or just doesn’t pay off at all.
So now I’m focussing on the pleasant feelings directly. I’m imagining what I think I will feel in all of these fantasy scenarios and then just trying to cultivate those sensations directly in any given moment. And I’ve actually had some success!
This episode takes you through the steps of my thought experiment so you can try it for yourself.
